The origins of the classic rhyme in question can be traced all the way back to 1590, where they appeared in the epic poem, The Faerie Queen, written by Sir Edmund Spenser. Back then, the poem was written to reflect classic Elizabethan virtues such as temperance, chastity, virtue, and friendship, all of which were embodied by various knights. In their travels, those knights, and their values, would be tested. It’s probably a good thing they all died long ago because as much as I’m sure virtue can kill a dragon, those knights wouldn’t have lasted five seconds on Tinder before laying down their swords for good.
Speaking of laying down the sword, here are seventy spins on that good old “roses are red, violets are blue” poems that so many of us learned as kids. Some are naughty, some are nice…most you probably shouldn’t send to anyone you actually like.
Roses are red Violets are Blue Jokes
Roses are red,
Violets aren’t blue.
They’re violet.
It’s literally in the name.
My roses are red,
But my violets keep dying.
Is it because I buried my husband there?
Or is it the fertilizer I’m buying?
Roses are red,
Flowers come in a bunch,
Let’s go straight to the bedroom,
Forget about lunch.
Roses are black.
Violets are black.
Everything is black.
I haven’t been the same since the accident.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I was into this,
Until everyone knew.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sometimes I use my left hand,
And pretend that it’s you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
I’m confused.
Roses are red,
I wrote you this poem.
Wait, what do you mean
You still live at home?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I’m sorry I didn’t put as much effort
Into these wedding vows
As you.
Roses are red,
There’s a spark between us.
You be America,
I’ll be Columbus.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Alzheimer’s is bad.
Roses are red.
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Roses are red,
Netflix is red.
Have you looked outside recently?
Let’s stay in bed.
Roses are red,
I’m practically Shakespeare.
To be or not to be?
Can I touch your ass?
Roses are red,
Space is a void,
When I called you mommy,
That wasn’t me,
It was Freud.
Roses are red,
We’ve had too much Scotch,
I was cool with the goat as a pet,
But we can’t let it watch.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I lied when I said
It’s me and not you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your Instagram’s private,
So your Facebook will do.
Roses are red,
Tree trunks are brown,
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down.
Roses are red,
Art is a lie,
Nothing is real,
We’re all going to die.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Mom, don’t open that picture,
It wasn’t for you.
Roses don’t count,
Violets don’t matter,
When you didn’t reply
To that tasteful picture of my packer.
Roses are expensive,
Violets are too,
I wish you could just forgive me
For cheating on you.
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Red roses die,
Violets die too,
But I’ll never forget
How we used to screw.
Roses are tasteful,
Violets are not,
You always were nice,
But just not that hot.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Hey baby,
What that mouth do?
Roses are red,
Fresh violets glean,
And if you’d just read a book,
You’d know what that means.
Roses are red,
Hammers are blunt.
Why do you always
Act like an idiot?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Get the vaccine,
It’s not “just like the flu.”
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My boiled eggs were green,
Hence the bad review.
Roses are red,
Disco is groovy,
Die Hard is
A Christmas movie.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look,
I got your name in a tattoo!
What do you mean it’s not working out?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Try as we might,
We won’t ever write a poem that is new.
Roses are red,
It doesn’t need to make
Sense if it rhymes.
Banana commits crimes.
Roses are red,
Wrestling is fake,
Ross and Rachel,
Were on a break.
Roses are red,
Luke kissed Leia,
A long time ago,
In a galaxy far far away-a.
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Roses are red,
Your face is obscene,
But at least you’ll save money
Shopping for Halloween.
Roses are red,
Ted Bundy’s not hot,
He killed innocent women,
Your brain must have a clot.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
They don’t think it be like it is,
But it do.
Violets are blue,
Roses are red.
f*ck today,
I’m going to bed.
Roses are red,
My boyfriend was a hack,
Now I’ve married an old rich guy,
And I’m waiting on that heart attack.
Roses are red,
Violets give me allergies,
Just enjoy your lunch
And stop counting the calories.
Roses are red,
My books sit on a shelf,
Wake up sheeple,
Epstein didn’t [REDACTED]
Roses are red,
Oh how I wish I was still four,
When the only thing I knew I loved,
Was my favorite dinosaur.
Roses could be blue,
Violets could be red,
That’s all up to Nietzsche,
Since God is dead.
Roses are red,
Violets are pretty,
Hey there Delilah,
What’s it like in New York City?
Roses are red,
Pimples are too,
Have you considered a face cream?
Cause you have a few.
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Roses are red,
Violets are red,
Everything is red,
I love the USSR.
Roses are read,
Books can be red,
I don’t get hom*ophones,
I’ll try hom*onyms instead.
Roses are red,
If it’s a good time you’re seeking,
Then give me a call,
We’ll get the bed creaking.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
The day they change colors,
Is when I’ll stop loving you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Did I stutter when I said
I’m in love with you?
Roses are red,
Chocolates are brown,
I expect nothing
And still get let down.
Roses are red,
Violets are bluish,
We had better social distance,
Because I’m feeling fluish.
Roses are red,
This is the Tarantino bit:
English motherf*cker,
Do you speak it?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Let’s turn my dinner for one
Into dinner for two.
Roses are red,
There’s no such thing as ghosts,
Except when you leave me blue ticked,
And I believe in them the most.
Roses are red,
Parasites need a host,
I think I’m having a stroke,
Or does anyone else smell toast?
Roses are red,
And although your eyes are heaven,
When you said you had a few cats,
I didn’t think you meant twenty-seven.
Roses are whatever,
You go on about violets for hours.
How about showing us some love?
Sincerely,
All the other flowers.
Roses are red,
Blah blah blah flowers,
Are you feeling randy baby?
Call me Austin Powers.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Our love will never die.
So it kind of sucks that you did.
Roses are red,
I thought you’d granted my wish,
Turns out love is a river,
And you’re a catfish.
Roses are red,
X is a Roman numeral,
I get that we weren’t working,
But why dump me
At my mom’s funeral?
Roses are red,
Valentine’s day is overrated,
You’re so fine,
It’s a pity we’re related.
Roses are red,
Sleeping with you was an adventure,
Until I realized you
Were taking out your dentures.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
There are only so many
After school specials to watch
Until they make a nihilist out of you.
Roses are red,
Space: the final frontier.
Wanna see a magic trick?
I can make our clothes disappear.
Roses hurt when you pick them,
Violets do not,
I’ll pick them both anyway,
‘Cause damn girl you’re hot.
Roses are red,
Perseus killed Medusa,
I may not be Greek myth,
But I can still seduce ya.
Roses are red,
Violets are fine,
This is poem number seventy,
Let’s make like the last one,
And sixty-nine.
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Saul Kemack
Saul Kemack was consistently bullied as a child, and took it really well. “Taking it well”, in this case, means going to theatre school and developing a sense of humor. He spends his time writing plays and hanging out with his dog Finn, who his parents totally think is the better child.
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